The Struggle is Real

Struggling. Daily. Im already exhausted and I do not feel as if anything is going to get any easier any time soon. I know I am not the only person trapped in this society that feels as if they just cant catch a break right now. It seems as if once something is done or taken care of, something else just replaces it and it is a battle to stay on top. If I had my choice, I would lead such a simpler life, and I will eventually, but right now I am focused on having what I need for myself, but most importantly that my kids have what they need to grow, flourish, and be nurtured as needed. We have such a wonderful set up. Their parents may be divorced, but we live in the same neighborhood, and the situation could not be any better for the boys. I am working less and less. My disability is tackling me constantly it seems, as if I am swimming upstream, trying to avoid being pulled into the current of the waterfall. Financially this has been extremely tough, and every single thing is only becoming more expensive. It is so sad. I mourn the loss of my old body. The body that didnt have to think about what activities will put me in bed for an unknown amount of days. I miss the body that didnt have to calculate the amount of rest I will be able to get, and if I dont get enough may not be able to function. I feel not only sad, but very guilty. Working is hard, activities are hard, and some days doing only simple daily chores are hard, and the guilt I have for letting my kids and my wife down is a constant voice there in the back of mind. And the thing is, I look like a normal healthy person. Its an invisible illness, but it is very real, but when others cannot see it, it is hard to understand or even just believe that its there. It is a battle to try to explain, and it is exhausting. I guess today I am voicing my frustrations and attempting to relieve some of the stress I am feeling. I need to rest, but I need to work, and I need to pay bills, and it has been a struggle. So, Im going to keep going for my wife and kids, and for me too. Life is short, and it passes so quickly, and so will this. Keep your chins up! Everyone is going through their own thing, so respond with a kind word, encourage others for no reason, and lend an ear to those who just need to let it out. No response needed.