Hard to Swallow

The things that I used to write about; the hardships with my children, they will return throughout. However, today I am going to write something very personal and something that may be hard for some to hear. It has haunted me since I was 18, and I am ready to unload it; it is just too heavy. I think that the recent changes of our state, and of our country, have also made the weight seem just a little more heavy, or maybe I have grown just a little more tired.

At 18, I was a waitress at Chili's. I worked with a guy, and I just happened to wait on his cute brother one night. I happened to talk to him about this cute brother of his and came to find that they were rooms mates, so we set a day for me to come over and hang out. I show up at their apartment as planned and the scheduled time, and the cute brother tells me that he has to go to A&M to bail his "buddy" out of jail and he proceeded to leave. Being a young, 18 year old girl, I decide to stay and hang out....i mean, why not???

We drank. A lot. We smoked a lot of pot. Like a lot. I don't really know what else was involved if anything. I believe ecstasy. I don't remember really anything. But I do remember waking up in the guy's bed that I work with. And i DO remember when they were all laughing telling me that that was their plan because there was no "buddy" that his brother had to bail out. He was going to see his girlfriend that went to A&M. The plan all along was to tell me that to get me there because the guy I worked with wanted to be with me.

And I got pregnant.

And I never told anyone..

And I kept my baby.

And I let him be a dad.

And his family got to love my son.

And he's an awful human. He plays a victim when he is a monster. He looks like a hero who never paid a single medical bill for a kid that has more medical bills than some will have in a lifetime, and who still owes thousands and thousands of child support for a son who is 21 years old.

And I'm publishing this for the world to read and to share.

This is my story.