I Hate the Phrase ____

#justno #strong #onlywhatyoucanhandle #dontsayit #pleasestop #catchphrase #trauma #selfhealing #healing #themind

How many popular phrases are there? Repetitive bullshit that no one really wants to hear.... You have either heard it too many times or in other cases the phrase is something that you def do not want to hear. You know that the person telling you this cannot relate to you for a single moment, and they don't know what else to say to you. Sadly, there are no classes or just common sense for some. What is the phrase that I despise? The phrase that makes me want to roll my eyes and walk off without so much as a single word to say...

"God never gives you more than you can handle."

This phrase is complete bullshit. I know that so many will disagree, or some or all have said this at least once to someone, but it is a bullshit phrase, especially for someone who is going through hell for the moment.

Now, I have been through a lot of shit, and coming from experience I think I have enough experience with this phrase to justify or actually discredit this phrase. I find it awkward that I sat down and started writing about this simple phrase. Why is this on my mind? Why do I find that this is what is coming out in text today? I am going through some tough times within myself to find healing. Not anything like ever before. In fact, for this article and for adequate credit of my point, I will quickly list major life experiences: pregnant at 18, mother at 19, husband with cancer and bone marrow transplant, drug addicted husband, oldest son run over by riding lawnmower, 46 surgeries to count, another son with cancer on ECMO, oldest son diagnosed as type 1 diabetic, abusive, narcissist husband causing metal health crisis that I am still recovering from, and my chronic illness diagnosis (dysautonomia and small fiber sensory neuropathy). I have literally spent my adult life in hospitals with the ones I love fighting for their lives; not to mention I am a nurse, so I literally lived in hospitals for years.

Nevertheless, this phrase was always delivered to me. And you know what? It was more than I could handle. So much more. My way of coping was far from healthy or safe. I was living in a dark cave, going through the motions of the day without a clue of what was going on. Years of my life are a blur. I feel like I lost years of my life. There are moments I want to remember and I can't. I think that a lot of this was probably my body's natural way of helping me get through it. Maybe your mind forgets so that it's not as hard when you look back on those times. My youngest son Spencer; I almost lost him to cancer. Hardest years of my life. It was horrible seeing him in so much pain, but he only remembers the good times. He remembers playing with the other kids on the oncology floor and all the fun moments that Texas Children's created for these cancer kids. He is actually excited and happy talking about when he is sick. And that is the magic of the mind. The mind has ways to keep us going.

Because God, (whomever that is; I'll get to that) did give me more than I could handle. I wasn't strong, or tough, or amazing at all. I had no choice, and I also don't give credit to some God giving me all of this because "I could handle it". Does that even make sense? It doesn't. Not to me. I do believe in a higher power. What that is exactly, I don't know. And I don't know that there is someone out there that plans our lives and what will happen. I believe in science too, and after everything, in the end I found myself questioning so much of what I know, and I began my own quest to find what was right and important to me, and that's what matters.

So, I guess this is where my mind is today. I want a beautiful, full, fun, relaxed, simple, and happy life with my boys and my wife. Nothing more, nothing less. I just want bliss. And I am in love with my life, and I just want to enjoy every minute. I don't want my mind to forget moments because I need to cope. I want to soak up every moment and keep it with me forever.