Underneath

#struggle #depression #support #encouragement #unconditional

Underneath. What comes to mind when someone says the word underneath? Underneath what? Technically, the definition of underneath is: situated directly below; so as to be concealed by something else. This word can apply

to a million different things. Today I am referring to what is underneath the cover of a person. What is underneath what you see on the outside? Are they hiding something in plain sight? Is their smile a genuinely happy smile, or is it a painted on covering for what they are hiding inside? We all are "hiding" so many things in plain sight. We all have something inside that we do not wear on the surface, on our skin. We all, as people say, have a battle we are fighting inside, and this is the reason we should always be kind, because we cannot see what is underneath the surface of a person's skin. We cannot see the ache or the hurt in their hearts, we cannot see the pull or the war going on inside between their brain and their heart, we cannot hear or feel the struggles inside that someone fights every single day, and we do not know the struggle they go through in order to hide those parts of themselves from the world. A cold shoulder, a hateful word, an unnecessary outburst, or an isolation for an unknown reason can all be part of the struggle to hide what is going on underneath.

The second half of 2022, I found my wife battling and fighting a war inside herself. I watched her put on her happy face and go out into the world each day with a hidden war going on underneath. It broke my heart to see her this way. On the days she didn't have to go out, I watched her struggle at home. I watched as she pulled herself out of bed and fought to be the wife and mother that she is. She loves being in these roles, but she was struggling, and she hid it from everyone so well. I supported her through it all. We learned how to better communicate, I learned how to give her what she needed, and she learned how to tell me the hard things and she learned when she needed to tell me the hard things. There were issues of safety. There were moments when I was terrified and consumed with fear for her, and there were moments of trusting and bonding, and we did nothing but gain a stronger and more solid relationship than we had before. Therapy sessions, medication, increased therapy sessions, increased medication, addition of new medications, resources, emergency plans, and letting her guard down so that others could also know her struggle and could be there in support for her. All of this, so, so hard for her. However, my amazing wife put in the work even though it was a struggle. She fought and battled so that she could get better, so that she could be better for herself, and then for us.

I stayed by her side through it all. I encouraged her. I was silent when she needed me to be, I listened when she wanted, and I asked her the hard questions when necessary, but I also struggled underneath on my own. Being the support in a situation like this is hard. I think it is something that is also never discussed. Supporting my wife through this battle also created a raging fight within myself. I fought the sadness for her, I fought my own anger at the situation she was in, I fought my own frustration for the amount of time that healing was taking for her, and I fought being upset with myself for feeling the that I did. But I never gave up on her. I also put in the work, doing my part to give her all that she needed, but also giving myself a break, and taking time to care for myself, so that I could ultimately be there for her and everyone else as well. I went to therapy; learning what is best to help her, and do what was best for myself to ensure I could be there for her. We went to therapy together, to make sure that each of was understanding each other's needs, and that we were using the right communication skills and how we could better each step she took through her battle of depression. We wanted to make sure that although this situation was hard, it was never going to have the power to distance us from one another. In fact, it would do the opposite, bringing us out of the storm closer and stronger than before. My wife and I both struggled in different ways, all the time, pulling and pushing each other to make it out as a team, together.

Although this is a continuing battle for her, it has lost its' force. It is a continued process of work, but for the most part, we have made it though the eye of the storm. Just a normal bump in the road, but the key is to stick together and work together and take the steps. We have plans in place to use as needed now and for any future battles. I didn't think we could be more happy or more solid than we already were, but we have climbed that mountain and we are walking back down the other side. Not falling, but holding hands with stronger bodies, only ready for the next battle, and for us to the ability to face it stronger than we were before.

To my wife; you are an amazing, brilliant, smart, powerful woman. I love watching you fight in order to become the woman that I know you are. I love that you fight for the love of us band our family. Watching you is truly an inspiration. I will always be here to fight any battle, to weather any storm, and to grow with you. You are my rock and I love you more every single day. XOXOXO